All about Trish

Once 17 years 11 months and 4 days ago I was blessed with a baby girl. Not a tiny girl, 9 Pounds 9- 1/2 ounces of pure joy. Her face was swollen black and blue from her difficult arrival, but just the same she was so beautiful! It was such a blessing to see her face change everyday to the prettiest baby I've ever seen in my life and she was mine! From that day on I lived for her. Ever since I was a little girl, I prayed for a daughter. She was to grow to be a happy child as long as I was breathing and she truly was. In fact that was such a beautiful quality in her. Through-out her grammar school years she was so popular. She was always laughing and just being silly! God, I loved her so much! Sometimes I would find myself staring at her just to thank God for her. I never thought it was possible to feel the kind of love I had for her.

My baby was not a selfish child. She was quite the opposite. She was never demanding just somewhat spoiled to say the least. I remember one Christmas gift she asked for was bubble gum. When her Dad and I told her she could ask for more than that, her response was "I want lots of bubble gum!" She was always satisfied with what she received as a child. As other mothers' complained of their children, (daughters) I always felt blessed that my daughter was a natural born sweetheart! When I needed help around the house she would help me with no back talk. I never took advantage of her, although she made it very easy to. In some cases I would say she took advantage of me. I say that in the most loving way possible. She was our little honey and we can rest at ease knowing we made her somewhat happy during her short time here on earth! Not all the time…but certainly most of the time.

As she got older and she started noticing boys or should I say boys started noticing her, I became worried. Ages 15 and 16 were a nightmare, but we got through it. Boys can be so cruel at times and I didn't want anyone hurting her! Boys will be boys and needless to say she had her share of tears and I literally felt her pain. When she cried, I cried too. When she laughed, well I laughed even harder. She was my baby and if I could have built a shield around her, believe me, I would have! Like I said before, I just loved her so much. I wished at times that she would stay young and be with me forever. I missed the little girl she was but I loved the young woman she had become. There were times I asked myself "why am I so over-bearing and protected of her?" I use to pray and ask God to help me "let Go" because sometimes I felt as if I was crowding her with my emotions. I didn't just love her, I was "in love" with her. In a mother daughter way of- course. Every night before I would go to bed, I would go to her room, fix her blankets on her, kiss her good night, and tell her I loved her even if I was angry with her. (This wasn’t very often.) She was my "Princess" (Her nickname.) We had our little disputes but we always understood one another. There were times she needed a punishment maybe for a missed curfew or an attitude adjustment as she got older. I must say though, she accepted her punishment without a major fuss. In fact she was always at her best behavior during her punishment. She knew exactly how to "kiss-up." She knew how to make me laugh or for that matter, make me cry. She would write me a letter and always ask for forgiveness. She was truly a character. If it was her father who would pursue the punishment, she would try to get around him. She knew that home bake cakes were her father's weakness. She loved to bake. In fact I remember her receiving a Home Economics award at her 8th grade graduation. When the holidays would arrive she would help me bake. Her specialty was home made apple pie and cinnamon buns. She just loved experimenting in the kitchen and during her many slumber parties I remember smelling cookies, cakes or even chicken soup at wee hours of the morning. Of course she didn’t clean up but that was okay. That’s what I was there for. As I said there were days she took advantage of me and believe me, I didn’t mind because most of the time we would clean up together. I wanted her to be happy and I believe she was. How could she not be? When we had our alone time I would be so thrilled. We were friends and enjoyed our time together. I wouldn’t trade that for all the money in the world. I also remember how her friends would call me Mom. I did not have to go too far to their level to laugh, joke and dance with them. I enjoyed their company and I believe they felt the same. Her boyfriends growing up were sweet. I would tell her that I wanted to pick out the right guy for her because if they were nice to me I knew they were treat her well. I must say most of the time I accepted her choices. There were some who treated her like a queen and some who wanted to but much to my dismay she refused. After all, it was her choice.

Her Dad and I would worry about things. Having a boyfriend could lead to things. We thought that if she was to get pregnant at the age of 18, that it would be the absolute worst thing that could ever happen to her. You know, a parents nightmare. I would take that now in a heartbeat. It would have been a mistake but a welcomed mistake at that! I only wish now that it would have been the case.
I hate to end this because there is such an unhappy ending. My daughter, Patrisha Lee Ann Osipovitch died January 15, 1995, and when she died a major piece of me died with her...I know I have to carry on but it's so difficult. I have a son 22 months older than Trish although now a grown man, husband to a wonderful woman and dad of 3 handsome boys. They need my strength but I also need to be here for my husband as well. I'm sure I'll get by but it seems impossible at times. I get into my mood and feel that some days all I want to do is think of my baby. I feel as though nothing or no one matters. In my heart I know they do but it is so difficult. She was so much a part of my life.

The night before "the accident" her Dad and I went to her room and sat on her bed next to her. We told her we needed to see her more often. She had become close to a friend that honestly we did not approve of. Trish saw something in this girl we apparently did not. She would wake up on the week end, get ready and go out. She was a teen and I'm sure this was normal, but I must say she spoiled us for so many years that we felt a loss before the loss. We had asked her to have dinner with us every evening and that would make us happy. We mentioned this was not a punishment. It's just that we missed her so much. She truly understood. This was on Saturday evening. We both kissed her, gave her a big hug and most of all we told her we loved her. She was definitely okay with everything. We said "starting Monday things were to change." Sunday morning we saw a change in her. Her usual early morning phone call came from "her friend', and much to our surprise she continued to stay in bed. When a second phone call came, we expected she would get ready and go out but again we were surprised. She showered but then went to the kitchen. She was obviously not in any hurry to go anywhere. She got something to eat, played with her dog, and carried a conversation with me. I was so happy to have her with us on a Sunday afternoon. Meanwhile she decided to watch some TV. She clicked the remote many times and settled on a movie that was on.

This might not sound like much but; this day was the last day of the rest of her life. I was getting ready to go to a party, my little cousins' second birthday. I wish I could turn back the hands of time. I wonder now, where I've heard that before. Mean while her Dad walked in the room to watch the football game so Trisha asked me where I was going and before anything was said, her friends came calling for her. This was around 2 PM. She went to speak to them but then entered the house again. She was unsure whether or not to go out. I did not want her to think we were punishing her, so I asked if she was going to go out with them. With that she responded, "I don't know. Where are you going?" Those words go over and over in my mind. I asked why she wasn't sure and if there was something wrong with her friend. She replied everything was okay. I asked if she wanted to go to the party I was going to with her gram and gramps, but she said "no." Now of course, I wish we could have gone shopping. I told her it was all right to go out with her friends and to have a good time. I told her I loved her and gave her a kiss. She kissed me back, gave me a hug and went to her room.

My parents arrived at 2:00 pm to pick me up and as we were ready to drive off, I saw Trisha at the front door waving good-bye to us. That vision will live with me forever. When I arrived which was an hour away from home, I said my hellos. Just around 4 pm I complimented my 15 year old cousin who was there with her parents. I remember mentioning how lucky her parents were to still have their daughter follow them to social gatherings. Yes, Trisha would to do that at that age. I said to welcome it for as long as it last, because once they reach 17 and 18 they want to be on their own. As I continued to speak, I had mentioned that "I missed my baby so much." I sometimes referred to Trisha that way. I don't know how many times I repeated that but I do know my mother had mentioned how jealous I was of my daughters' friends. I laughed and agreed with her. I continued to say "I love my baby and miss her so much." I recall saying how I missed the little girl she use to be, the same little girl who wanted to be with me all the time and keep me company when her Dad and brother would go out. The conversation lasted a while because other people joined in the discussion. Around 5 pm the telephone rang. I was surprised to know that it was my brother Sam wanting to talk to my Dad. "Why?" That's all I kept thinking. "Why?" He wouldn't call unless it was important. Maybe one of his children was hurt. "Why?" I listened to the conversation and my Dad was talking strange. I heard him say "What, who, when, how bad?” My Mom took the phone next. "No, this can't be true.” She exclaimed, “The Helicopter? Oh my God! Trisha!"

I thought I was going to scream but I began to feel numb. "What happened?" I asked. "Trisha?"
"This can't be true!" The entire time I was telling everyone earlier, how much I missed my baby. She was trapped in the car helplessly. We were told what hospital to go to and left immediately. In fact my cousin Joe offered to drive us there because he was familiar with the area of the hospital.
A family member at the party gave me a “cross” and I was grasping on to it for dear life. We entered the hospital and there was an officer at the entrance. I mentioned to him that my daughter arrived earlier and he knew exactly whom I was to see. I was so frightened. I didn't know what to think but I was so sure everything was going to be okay. As I was brought to a room my husband was there to greet me. "Oh Paula," He said. "You have to pray!" "They said if we believe in prayer we have to pray!" "What are you talking about?" I said. "What happened?" My husband continued. "She's in surgery, we have to pray." As he explained what took place the words went through me like a knife. “This can't be happening! I want to wake up!" The room was slowly starting to get crowded with family members. I could remember saying "surgery but why?" It seemed like eternity until the doctor arrived. "What's going on?" We asked. "Is she okay?" The doctor asked us if we were aware of everything that happened. I replied "please doctor; tell us what's going on. How is she?" He said “She didn’t make it."
Oh my God those words go through my brain over and over and over. "How can this be? Please wake me up!” “She didn't have a chance." He said. "If you would like to say your good-byes we will bring you to her." "Oh please wake me up! I need to wake up!" I exclaimed. I recall falling to my knees and having others place me on a chair. The numbness took over my body like a humming sensation throughout. The smelling salts pierced through my membrane and the ammonia smell went through my system. Well needless to say, we said goodbye, but I didn't know how! "How do you do that? Is there a way?" "I'll never say goodbye. I cannot I love her too much!" "All I can recall saying was “Please help me, I need to wake up."

Looking at Trisha, I saw that my baby left this world looking as she did when she arrived. My child was black and blue and very swollen but she was still my beautiful baby girl. I will say one thing about the accident. The driver (her friend) was speeding on a lonely road 5 minutes from our house. She lost control with 3 other passengers, spun around three times and ran into a pole. The impact was on my daughter's side - the front seat passenger side. She, my baby girl, was the only fatality.

I was later to find out that my daughter was on her way home to get her wallet. Earlier she had gone to a department store to fill out a job application to only realize that she had forgotten her wallet which had her Social Security card. Being a teen she didn’t memorize her number. She never made it home and the rest is history. I will long to be with her "Always and Forever." Since that devastating day her classmates at school and passer byes had dressed up the pole that took my daughters life. It truly looks like a shine.